I think I won the penis lottery.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
