You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
