i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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