Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
