Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize