I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
