He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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