I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
