Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
