the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
