but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
