i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hippo gnu deer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
