Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
