why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
