Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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