i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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