fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He shit in the fireplace
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