so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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