First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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