WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
