return my video game
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
