She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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