He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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