Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
