Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
