I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
