Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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