Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize