I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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