we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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