Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
