Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
