pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
