is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
