i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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