Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
ttyl tear gas
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
