Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
