the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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