Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
