I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
