Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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