just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
