My Higher Power is John Stamos
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
