That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
