She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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