Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
