and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize