I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
