Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
