Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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