Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
