When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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