Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
