i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
