Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
