id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
