Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
