i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
birth control should be required to get into college
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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