How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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