You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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