U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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