I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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