so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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